When I told my doctor I was aware of my sugar addiction, I meant it.

I can’t remember my first taste of sugar, but my childhood memories are literally coated in it. The images run together like the flickering tape on our Reagan Era home movie projector: my mother sliding warm chocolate chip cookies onto a plate as I walk through the door after school; a yellow frosting Big Bird smiling up at me with a wax “5” stuck through his beak; the summer job scooping ice cream at Friendly’s; a napkin full of red Swedish Fish melting under the sun at the community pool; caramel corn sticking to my teeth on the Ocean City boardwalk. No, I can’t remember my first taste, but I can trace the milestones of my life with a delicious white granular line. Sugar is happiness. Sugar is reward. Sugar is home.

Sugar is also toxic. At least, that’s what Dr. Robert Lustig tells me on YouTube. And he should know. Lustig, a faculty member at UCSF and one of the leading experts in childhood obesity, believes that sugar is more than just unhealthy—he believes it is a poison. Lustig presented his case in a lecture called “Sugar: The Bitter Truth” in 2009, which was then posted on YouTube. Two and a half years later, it has been viewed over 1.8 million times (and counting).

This past April, New York Times science journalist Gary Taubes investigated Lustig’s theory. Asking the question, “Is Sugar Toxic,” Taubes interviewed everyone from the Corn Refiners Association to the president of Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. Although his research was ultimately inconclusive, Taubes admitted that he learned enough to “worry.” Sugar, it seems, doesn’t just impact your waistline—it can potentially impact your lifespan. Perhaps one of the scientists Taubes interviewed said it best: “Sugar scares me.”

Sugar scares me, too. But despite all the facts at my disposal, I still can’t keep my hand out of the cookie jar. Looking at the rest of my diet and lifestyle, it’s incongruous. I’m a vegetarian. I rarely drink soda or eat fried foods. I cook most of my meals at home. I belong to an organic CSA.  I exercise. I see a chiropractor and an acupuncturist. I floss. And yet, until yesterday, I had three bags of miniature Snickers bars lurking in my desk drawer.

This isn't the first time I've tried to quit sugar.  Last summer, as fodder for a writing class exercise, I gave up sugar for one week and kept a journal about my experience.  It was excruciating, and I eagerly inhaled two slices of chocolate peanut butter cake as soon as the week was up.  I convinced myself that I could move forward with a balanced lifestyle, enjoying sugar in moderation.

Given the results of my recent blood test, it's pretty apparent that balance didn't happen.

But this time feels different.  Of course, this is partly because I have cold, hard evidence at my disposal: if I don't reduce my sugar intake, I'm on the road to diabetes.  But there's something else, too.  I just feel ready.  This time, I'm not just cutting sugar out of my diet—I'm overhauling my lifestyle.

The Plan

1) No refined sugars.  This seems obvious, but is also deceptively tricky.  From my previous sugar free experiment, I learned that refined sugars are hiding in nearly every processed or packaged food on the shelves—including the ones labeled "organic" and "healthy."  Thus, it will require eliminating most of these options from my diet.

2) Move from a vegetarian to a vegan diet.  Again, from previous experience, I've found that I feel much better, lose weight, and have fewer cravings when I eliminate dairy from my diet.  This one is actually much easier than #1, as I truly love cooking and eating vegan food.  It only becomes tricky while traveling and eating out.  As part of a healthy vegan diet, I will also reduce my intake of added fats and oils, although not eliminate them completely.

3) Daily physical activity.  Walking, dancing, yoga, Pilates—something, anything, to be kind to my body.  I'm currently doing this 2-3 times per week, but I know I'll feel better and healthier if I increase my activity.  Also, my doctor called for weight loss, and the added exercise will certain help to speed that along.

What's NOT on the Plan

1) Calorie counting.  I know what reasonable portions look like, and frankly, when sugar and dairy aren't involved, I don't tend to overeat.

2) Feeling hungry.  Again, see #1.  I will mindfully eat filling portions of healthy, plant-based foods.

3) Giving up dessert.  I will continue to feed my sweet tooth, but instead of sugary treats, I'll be swapping in fresh fruits and healthy desserts that I make from scratch.  I'm also fortunate to live a few blocks from Sweet Freedom Bakery, where I can easily pick up the occasional vegan treat made with no refined sugars.

In six months, I will return for a follow up blood test, and (fingers crossed!) will hopefully see my blood sugar safely within the normal range.  I will also have overhauled my lifestyle in such a way that I won't even be tempted to return to my old habits.  I've had many former sugar addicts tell me that when they gave it up for good, it no longer appealed to them.  I can only hope the same will be true for me.